登录注册
社区应用 最新帖子 精华区 社区服务 会员列表 统计排行
主题 : 让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES'
wenwendywen 离线
级别: 论坛版主
显示用户信息 
20楼  发表于: 2007-07-08   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
33.        “ Please get out of the bathtub.”    “No! I don’t wanna get out of the tub.”



请从浴盆里出来。              不,我不想出来。




Helpful Hints:  * Set limits for tub time, and use a timer to enforce the limits.

几个有用的提示: × 定下盆浴时间并且用定时器来约束。



Start the bathtub routine early to avoid having to rush your child’s fun. 早点开始,让孩子多享受盆浴的乐趣。


Never leave toddlers and preschoolers alone in the bathtub, even for a few seconds. 永远不要单独把孩子留在浴盆里,哪怕只是几秒钟。


Set your water heater at 120oF (or lower) to prevent the bath water from acalding your child.
把热水加热器的温度调到120华氏一下以防热水烫伤孩子。




1) Don’t threaten. Don’t Say, “Get out of the tub NOW before I smack you on your bare bottom.”  Don’t threaten to hurt your child! Doing so might get immediate results, but the pain—emotional and physical—is too high a price to pay.



1) 不要威胁,不要说, “现在就起来不然我就打你的屁股。”

不要威胁伤害你的孩子。这样做可能会立即有效果,但是,精神和肉体的痛苦的代价太大了!




Instead, use a timer. Say, “When the timer rings, it will be time to get out and dry off so we can have a story before bed.”        Use a timer to manage the situation, and provide an incentive (such as a story) to motivate your child’s cooperation. This allows her to look beyond her desire to stay in the tub.

相反,可以用定时器,说,“当定时器铃响时,就是你要起来擦干的时间了。这样,我们还可以在睡觉前讲个故事。




2) Don’t minimize your child’s feeling. Don’t say, “I have better things to do, so you need to get out of the tub now.”        Telling your child that you have more important things to do will make her feel unwanted and unworthy of your attention. Instead of cooperation, she’ll do everything she can to resist your request so she can finally get your attention.



2) 不要忽视孩子的情感,不要说,”我还有更要紧的是做,你现在要赶快起来离开浴盆!”

和你的孩子说,你还有更重要的事情做,会让他觉得他不值得你的注意。这样,他不会合作,反而,会做出任何事情反抗你来引起你的注意。






Instead, remind her about the rule. Say, “What’s the rule about staying in the tub?”      Referring to the rule helps your child develop the self-discipline she’ll need throughout her lifetime. It also puts you in a supportive rather than controlling role.



相反,提醒他规则, 说,“呆在浴盆里规则是什么?”    引用规则能帮你的孩子更自律,自我约束在一生中都很需要!这也把你放在支持孩子,而不是控制孩子的角色上。




3) Don’t get angry. Don’t say, “I’m getting angry, so you’d better get out of the tub before I lose my temper.”      Getting angry won’t teach your child to cooperate, and it won’t model the self-control you want her to develop. It will do just the opposite: teach her to throw a tantrum in order to get her way.



3) 不要生气,不是说,“我要生气了,你最好在我发脾气前离开浴盆!”

你生气并不能让你的孩子合作,而且你也没有作到自我控制的模范。相反,为了让他离开,你教会他乱发脾气。






Instead, give consequences. Say, “I’m sorry you spent too much time in the tub. Now we don’t have time for your snack or story.”

Allow your child to suffer the consequences of failing to meet her goals. Doing so teaches her that her behavior has consequences—both positive and negative. It also gives her experience in coping with life’s little disappointments.



相反,你可以指明结果,说,“很抱歉,你在浴盆里花了太多的时间,我们现在没有时间吃小点心或听故事了。”

让你的孩子体会不完成目的的后果。这样做,告诉孩子他的行为是有后果的,包括好的后果和坏的后果。也教会孩子去体验生活中小小的失望。




4) Don’t bribe. Don’t say, “If you get out of the tub now, I’ll give you some candy.”

Bribing your child with candy will leave a bad taste in your mouth! It will make that treat very important to her and will teach her that she can put a price on her cooperation.


4)
不要贿赂,不要说,“如果你现在离开浴盆,我就个给你糖果。”

用糖果贿赂孩子会让你品尝到不好的滋味。这样做会让孩子觉得犒劳是很重要的,还教会孩子给‘合作’标价!




Instead, make a deal. Say, “When you’ve gotten out of the tub and are dry and in your pajamas, we can read a story before you go to bed.”

Grandma’s Rule helps your child develop self-control and the ability to delay gratification. These skills will help her cope with the necessary and sometimes unpleasant tasks of life.



相反,给出约定, 说,‘当你离开浴盆,擦干并穿好睡衣,我们在睡觉前就可以讲个故事。”

祖母规则帮助孩子自律,和延迟欲望。这些品质都会帮助他处理生活中必须做的,有些还是不想做的事情。
清空我的评分动态本帖最近评分记录: 共1条评分记录
水做的鱼 威望 +3 2007-07-08 -
隐藏评分记录
感恩,平安,喜乐,惜福。。。
wenwendywen 离线
级别: 论坛版主
显示用户信息 
21楼  发表于: 2007-07-08   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
得意呀!

周末不太舒服,没怎么出去玩,就翻了2章耶 (2个问题)。。。

自己表扬一下自己 !!!
感恩,平安,喜乐,惜福。。。
一手臭牌 离线
级别: 论坛版主

显示用户信息 
22楼  发表于: 2007-07-08   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
谢谢,辛苦啦,我一直都在看呢,都收藏了。
一手臭牌打遍天下
水做的鱼 离线
级别: 论坛版主

显示用户信息 
23楼  发表于: 2007-07-08   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
我也一直在看,有的时候很高兴自己做对了,有的时候发现原来自己曾经伤了孩子的心

加油!
没有人是一座孤岛,可以自全。每个人都是大陆的一片,整体的一部分,……任何人的死亡都是我的损失,因为我是人类的一员。因此,不要问丧钟为谁而鸣,它就为你而鸣。
wenwendywen 离线
级别: 论坛版主
显示用户信息 
24楼  发表于: 2007-07-09   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
34. “ Please Brush your teeth.”          “No! I don’t wanna brush my teeth.!”

请刷牙。          ‘不,我不想刷牙!”



Helpful Hints: *: Whenever possible, brush your teeth with your child so he can see how it’s done and be motivated to do the same.

友情提示: × 尽可能和你的孩子一起刷牙,这样,他能看得到怎么刷,也能促使他和你做一样的事。



Find a kid-friendly dentist who supports your efforts to encourage good dental hygiene. If possible, interview a couple of dentists to learn how they work with your children.
找一个好的儿科牙医帮助你鼓励支持良好的牙齿卫生。如有可能,和一两个牙医见面学习了解关于口腔卫生如何和孩子打交道。


1) Don’t get angry. Don’t say, “I’m sick and tired of your not wanting to brush your teeth. Now get in there and don’t come out till you’ve finished. ”

Demanding cooperation sets up battle lines with your child; it doesn’t show him how to be more cooperative. Forcing the issue will only result in greater resistance. Make peace, not war!



1) 不要生气,不要说,“我烦透了,每次你都不想刷牙。现在,进去刷牙,不刷完不准出来!”

强迫合作会导致你和孩子之间的斗争。这不没有教会孩子如何更合作。这种强迫只会导致更大的抵抗。我们要和平解决问题,而不是引发战争!


Instead, give choices. Say, “I understand that you don’t like to brush your teeth, but it’s very important to keep them clean and healthy. Do you want me to help you brush, or do you want to do it yourself.

Taking a helpful, supportive approach can soften your child’s resistance. Working together can meet his agenda (having some control) and yours (getting his teeth brushed).



相反,给出选择, 说, “我理解你不想刷牙。但是,保持牙齿的清洁和健康是十分重要的!你是想让我帮你刷,还是你自己刷呢?”

给出个有帮助的,支持的建议可以软化孩子抵触的情绪。一起刷牙也可以同时完成孩子的目的(自己有一些控制)和你的目的(让他刷牙)。


2) Don’t use putdown. Don’t say, “You’ve so pigheaded. I don’t know what I’m going to do with you.”

Labeling your child equates his behavior with who he is, contributing to a negative self-image. Make sure to separate your child from his behavior, so he understands that he may behave in undesirable ways at times, but that he can change his behavior. Make sure your child knows that he’s always lovable and wonderful even when his behavior is not.



不要放弃,不要说,“你这个猪头,我都不知道该对你怎样办了。”

给你的孩子定性,把他这个人和他的行为划等号,这给他一个负面的自我画像。 一定要区分开孩子本人和他的行为。确保你的孩子知道他本人总是可爱和重要的,即使当他的行为不好时。






Instead, invite feedback. Say, “Tell me what you don’t like about brushing. I’d like to help if I can.”

Asking your child for his opinion validates him as a person and gives you information that may solve the problem.



相反,引出反馈,说,“告诉我你为什么不喜欢刷牙。看看我能不能帮你。”

咨询你孩子的意见能证实孩子是个‘人’,也能给你一些可能解决问题的信息。




3) Don’t bribe. Don’t say, “if you brush your teeth, I’ll let you have some soda pop.”

Offering your child a reward for doing what you ask sends him the message that cooperation is all about the reward, not about teamwork. Besides, giving a sugary snack or drink defeats the purpose of brushing.



不要贿赂,不要说,‘如果你刷牙,我就给你喝可乐。”

因为孩子所作的事 给他奖励相当于告诉他,合作就是为了奖励,而不是‘团队精神’。而且,给甜的点心和饮料也让刷牙失去意义。


Instead, make a deal. Say, “When your teeth are clean, then we can read some bedtime stories.”

Grandma’s Rule teaches your child that in order to do what he wants, he must fist accomplish the required task. This important lesson also teaches him the goal of cooperation: a win-win result.


相反,给出协议, 说,“如果你的牙齿清洁后,我们就可以看些睡觉前的故事书了。”



祖母规则告诉孩子,要想得到他想要的,就要先完成所要求的任务。这也教会他合作的重要一课,双赢结果!
清空我的评分动态本帖最近评分记录: 共1条评分记录
水做的鱼 威望 +3 2007-07-09 好文共享,辛勤
隐藏评分记录
感恩,平安,喜乐,惜福。。。
wenwendywen 离线
级别: 论坛版主
显示用户信息 
25楼  发表于: 2007-07-09   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
谢谢牌JJ和鱼儿的支持和鼓励!!!

我也自己给自己鼓劲呢!
感恩,平安,喜乐,惜福。。。
水做的鱼 离线
级别: 论坛版主

显示用户信息 
26楼  发表于: 2007-07-10   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
加油!真是好文章,相信大家都会有所得。
没有人是一座孤岛,可以自全。每个人都是大陆的一片,整体的一部分,……任何人的死亡都是我的损失,因为我是人类的一员。因此,不要问丧钟为谁而鸣,它就为你而鸣。
wenwendywen 离线
级别: 论坛版主
显示用户信息 
27楼  发表于: 2007-07-10   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
35. “It’s time to get your hair but.”  “No! I don’t wanna get my hair cut.”



"该理发了。”          “不, 我不想理发!”




Helpful hints: * Play hairstylist at home to give your child some practice in getting her hair cut.

友情提示: ×你在家里当理发师,让孩子有些理发的演习。



Talk about the fun parts of getting a haircut, such as the buzzing razor tickling her neck or how good it feels to have her scalp massaged.


和孩子谈谈理发的有趣的事,例如,嗡嗡叫的刮胡刀搔痒他的脖子,或者,他的头皮被按摩时是多么的舒服。



* Make sure the person cutting your child’s hair is experienced, patient, and nurturing.
确保剪你孩子头发的人是有经验,耐心和教养的。



Stay by your child’s side during the haircut to help her feel safe.
在你的孩子理发时,在他身边,让他感到安全。




1) Don’t demand. Don’t say, “What do you mean you don’t want a haircut? Now just shut up and get in the chair!”

1) 不要强求, 不要说,“你说不想剪头是什么意思?闭嘴,现在坐在这个椅子上!”



You lack of empathy for your child’s feelings will diminish her ability to identify her emotions and deal with them. In addition, it will make her lose respect for you, which will increase her desire to rebel.



你对你孩子的感受缺乏同情理解,会伤害他对自己感受的认识能力和处理的能力。还有,这也会让孩子失去对你的尊重,加重他反抗的欲望。




Instead, invite feedback. Say, “Tell me how you feel inside when your hair is getting cut.” Asking your child to describe her feelings will affirm her as a person and tell her that you care about her. Always teach your child that her feelings matter, instead of immediately assuming that her fears are “strange” or “wrong.” You may not like that fact that she’s afraid, or you may want to dismiss her feelings because they’re blocking your agenda, but empathizing with her will mean she’ll rebel less.



相反,引出反馈,说,“告诉我,当你剪头时,你心里是怎么想的。”要求你孩子描述他的感受, 会加强他对自己作为‘人’的意识,并让他意识他你关心他。你要一直告诉孩子,他的感受很重要, 而不是立刻认定他的害怕是‘奇怪’和‘错误’的。你可能不喜欢他害怕这个事实,或者,你因为孩子(的所为)影响了你的安排而想忽略孩子的感受,但是,同情理解孩子意味着孩子会有更少的反抗。






2) Don’t shame. Don’t say, “You embarrass me when you make a fuss at the stylist’s.”

Never tell your child that she embarrasses you. Dong so will only increase her fears, and it may become a self-fulfilling prophecy.



不要羞辱,不要说,“你在理发店力吵闹让我难堪。” 永远不要告诉孩子他使你难堪。这么做,只会增加他的害怕,而且,还可能不幸成为预言。




Instead, be positive. Say, “I’m sorry you don’t like getting a haircut. Let’s think of ways you can have fun while your hair is getting cut.”

Teach your child to develop the attitude that every challenge is an opportunity to find solutions. Encourage her to play a game with you while she’s getting her hair cut (“I spy,” for example).



相反,要乐观,说,“很遗憾你不喜欢剪头。让我们想一些法子,在你剪头同时,你还能开心得玩。”

教会孩子这种态度:每一个挑战,都是寻求解决法案的机会。鼓励他在剪头同时和你一起玩游戏。(例如,‘我来找’的游戏)。




3) Don’t name-call. Don’t say, “What do you mean you’re afraid? Why are you such a wimp?” How would you like it if someone said this to you? Humiliating your child will only increase her fears and will teach her to make fun of others when they’re afraid. You want to avoid these outcomes at all costs.



不要骂人,不要说,“你说你害怕是什么意思?为什么你是这样一个软弱无能的人?”

如果别人对你这样说,你会喜欢吗?羞辱孩子只会增加他的恐慌,还教会他在别人害怕是嘲笑别人。而这些后果,是你不管花多少代价,都想避免的。




Instead, affirm your child’s feelings. Say, “I understand that you’re feeling afraid when you’re getting your hair cut, but I know you’re brave and strong and can handle it. ”

Affirming your child’s bravery will help her become more confident and resilient.



相反,肯定孩子的感受,说,“我理解别人剪你的头发时你的害怕的感受。但是,我知道你很勇敢和坚强,能处理好的。”

肯定孩子的勇敢会帮助他更自信和愉快有弹性。
感恩,平安,喜乐,惜福。。。
wenwendywen 离线
级别: 论坛版主
显示用户信息 
28楼  发表于: 2007-07-10   
Re:Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
引用
引用第26楼水做的鱼于07-10-2007 14:03发表的 Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES .. :
加油!真是好文章,相信大家都会有所得。



开心!!! 有用就好!!!
感恩,平安,喜乐,惜福。。。
听听 离线
级别: 排长
显示用户信息 
29楼  发表于: 2007-07-10   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
欣喜! 发现了这个好文章.最近对孩子的斥责较多,自我检讨中,,,,太好了,谢谢WENWEN ! 加油啊
懒虫就是天生的.
wenwendywen 离线
级别: 论坛版主
显示用户信息 
30楼  发表于: 2007-07-12   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
38. “It’s time to cut your nails.”            “No! I don’t want you to cut my nails!”

"该剪你的指甲了。”              “不,我不想要你剪我的指甲!”



Helpful hints: * Choose a time for nail trimming that doesn’t interrupt our child’s favorite activity, such as after a bath or before bed.

友情提示: × 剪指甲时间的选择在不会打断孩子的活动时候,例如,洗澡后或上床前。



Avoid trying to trim your child’s nails when he’s tired or hungry. It’ll be harder for him to sit then, which will increase the chances of an accidental ‘owie.”
×不要在孩子累或饿的时候去剪他的指甲。在那时候让孩子坐稳是很难的,还会提高发生‘哦哎呀’事故的机录。



1) Don’t be aggressive. Don’t say, “I’m going to cut your nails whether you like it or not. Now hold still.”  This kind of dictatorial parenting hurts everyone involved. Chances are your child will resist even more if you try to hold him down.



1)不要太侵略,不要说,“不管你喜不喜欢,我都要给你剪指甲了。现在,坐好,不要动。”

这种说教式的父母教养方法会伤害每个人。很有可能的结果就是在你让孩子坐好不动时,孩子反抗拒绝得更厉害。



Instead, invite feedback. Say, “Help me understand why you don’t want to have your nails trimmed.”

Asking your child why he’s resisting will no only help you understand his thinking, it will validate him as a person. Both consequences will encourage his cooperation. When you find out what’s bothering him, you’ll have a better chance of fixing the problem and getting the job done.



相反,引出反馈,说,“能让我知道你为什么不想让我给你剪指甲吗?”

问你的孩子,他问什么不愿意做,不仅帮你了解他的想法,还让孩子证实自己作为‘人’的意识。

这二种都和会让孩子更合作。当你找出困恼孩子的原因,你解决问题和完成工作的可能性就更大。



2)Don’t threaten. Don’t say, “If you don’t let me cut your nails, you’ll have to spend the rest of the day in your room.” Threatening to isolate your child won’t teach him to do what he needs to do. It will only hurt your relationship and teach him that he’ll be punished for not doing what you ask. When he doesn’t cooperate, he needs you to teach him how to complete the task and motivate him to follow your direction.



2) 不要威胁,不要说,“如果你不让我给你剪指甲,你今天必须就呆在你的房间过一天。”

威胁隔离孩子,不会教会他去作他需要做的事。威胁只会伤害你和孩子之间的关心,教会他如果他没有照你说的去做,他就会受到惩罚。当他不合作时候,他需要你教会他如何完成任务,和刺激他去按你的指示做。





Instead, play a game. Say, “Let’s play the manicure game. I’ll get the table ready so we can trim your nails.” Making a game out of cutting y our child’s nails will make the task fun. You can accomplish anything with your child when you love and laugh together through the experience.



相反,游戏法,说,“让我们玩修指甲的游戏。我将会把桌子准备好,这样,我们就可以修剪你的指甲了。”

和孩子玩修剪指甲的游戏会让整个任务更有趣。你可以在和孩子一起关爱和欢笑的经历中完成任何事。



3)Don’t use fear. Don’t say, “If you don’t let me cut your nails, they’ll get long and scratch somebody, and then you’ll be in big trouble.”



3)不要恐吓。不要说,“如果你不让我给你剪指甲,指甲会长长,长指甲会刮伤别人,那时,你就麻烦了。”



Threatening your child with adverse social consequences may frighten him into doing what you ask, but it won’t teach him the proper reason for cooperation.



用负面的社交后果威胁孩子,可能会让孩子害怕而照你要求得去做,但,这并没有给孩子合作的正确的理由。



Instead, empathize. Say, “It’s importance to keep our nails trimmed so we don’t accidentally scratch someone. We don’t want that to happen.”

Appeal to your child’s innate empathy to help him understand the importance of keeping his nails trimmed for his own safety as well as the safety of others.



相反,理解法,说,“修剪指甲是很重要的,这样,我们就不会刮伤别人,我们可不想这种意外发生。”

引发孩子内在的理解同情去帮他明白,修剪指甲对于他自身和别人的安全的重要性。
感恩,平安,喜乐,惜福。。。
username 离线
级别: 军区司令员
显示用户信息 
31楼  发表于: 2007-07-12   
谢谢了
wenwendywen 离线
级别: 论坛版主
显示用户信息 
32楼  发表于: 2007-08-05   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
不好意思,好久没有更新了。

忙啊!

 
感恩,平安,喜乐,惜福。。。
wenwendywen 离线
级别: 论坛版主
显示用户信息 
33楼  发表于: 2007-08-05   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
Section II: Getting Dressed 穿衣


13. “Please put on clean clothes.”      “No. I wanna wear my dirty clothes.”

“请穿上干净的衣服。"            "不,我还想穿这件脏衣服。”



Helpful hints; * Establish a rule about wearing clean clothes, and make sure your child understands the definition of dirty. For example, “We were clothes that don’t smell bad and don’t have stains.”

Talk about the importance of cleanliness so your child understands why you need to wash clothes regularly.
Let your child help with the laundry so she can see how clothes go through the washer and dryer and come out clean.
友情提示: ×建立穿干净衣服的规则,让你的孩子明白‘脏’的定义。例如,“我们要穿那些没有臭味和污点的衣服。”

      ×和孩子谈干净的重要性,让孩子明白为什么你需要定时地洗衣服。

      ×在你洗衣服时候让孩子帮你,让孩子看见衣服是怎样放到洗衣机和烘干机洗干净的。




1)      Don’t threaten. Don’t say, “Go ahead and wear that dirty thing. People won’t like you if you’re dirty.”

Threatening your preschooler with social isolation will have little impact on her. She simply wants to do her own thing. Besides, you want your child to wear clean clothes in order to develop good habits, not because she fears rejection.

1)不要威胁,不要说,“去吧,就穿着那脏衣服吧。象你这么脏,大家都不会喜欢你的。”

用社交来威胁你的学前班的孩子,对他们几乎没有什么影响。他们这是简单地想做自己的事情。另外,你让孩子穿干净的衣服是为了养成好的习惯而不是让他们害怕拒绝。




Instead, offer other options, say, “I’m sorry. That dress has to go in the laundry. Tomorrow it will be clean and you can wear it again. Until then, let’s pick out something else.”

Being firm while providing other options can help your child learn to delay gratification and be flexible. Letting her choose a different outfit appeals to her desire to exert control over what she wears.

相反,给出别的选择,说,“很抱歉,这件衣服要放到洗衣机里了。明天,它就会洗干净,你又可以穿了。在这之前,让我们挑件别的衣服穿。”

在你给出别的选择时候要坚决,这帮助孩子学会延迟欲望和处事灵活。让他们选择不同的衣服,把他们的吸引到去想去控制明天要穿的衣服。




2)      Don’t belittle. Don’t say, “What’s the matter with you? All you want to wear is that dirty old dress.”

Berating your child teaches her that she may lose your love and support because she wants to wear the same dress. Don’t make her choose between your love and her dress.

2)不要轻视,不要说,“你怎么回事?你怎么就是想要那件脏的旧的衣服呢。”

责备孩子告诉她,她可能会因为要穿同样的衣服而失去你的爱和支持。不要让她在你的爱和衣服中做出选择。



Instead, make a deal, say, “I understand that you want to wear that dress again today, but you can’t because it’s dirty. Let’s choose something else to wear. When you have a different out fit on, then we can watch your favorite program until it’s time to go to school.”

相反, 说,“我理解你今天还想穿那件衣服,但是你不能穿,因为它太脏了。让我们选件别的衣服穿。你穿好别的衣服后,我们可以看你喜欢的电视节目直到上学的时候。




3)      Don’t beg, don’t say, “Please put on the clean dress. Do it for mommy.”

As tempting as it may be, begging won’t teach your child to choose appropriately on her own. Instead, it will teach her to worry about whether you still love her if she doesn’t cooperate.



3)不要乞求,不要说,“请穿好这件干净的衣服吧,就算是为了妈妈。”

乞求不会教会孩子去按她自己合适地做出选择,相反,乞求会让孩子担心如果她不合作,你是否还会爱她。


Instead, use empathy. Day, “I know you love your favorite dress. I love mine, too. Let’s wash them together, and we can both wear them when they’re clean.”

By empathizing with your child’s desire to wear the same clothes, you’re letting her know that you’re on the same team. Working together will bring you both the results you want. 、

相反,表示理解,说,“我知道你很喜欢这件衣服。我也很喜欢我的这件。让我们把他们一起洗干净,这样,当衣服干净时我们可以穿它们。”

理解孩子想穿同样衣服的想法。让孩子知道你也是这样。一起处理会让你们同时达到自己想要的结果。
感恩,平安,喜乐,惜福。。。
清心 离线
级别: 军区司令员
显示用户信息 
34楼  发表于: 2007-08-08   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
谢谢三文MM, 真是受益不少,刷牙,剪指甲,洗澡,穿衣。。。。。。非常实用,每天都会遇到,常看常新,还有提醒的作用。

也谢谢鱼MM给加分啊,像我这样坐享其成的,只能偶尔冒出个泡来鼓励一下,
marilyn 离线
级别: 营长

显示用户信息 
35楼  发表于: 2007-08-08   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
差点错过了,真是有用的好贴子,三文辛苦了。    
水做的鱼 离线
级别: 论坛版主

显示用户信息 
36楼  发表于: 2007-08-08   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
这样辛苦用勤劳的汗水铸就的好帖子,再不加精我都有犯罪感了。

三文辛苦!抱抱!
没有人是一座孤岛,可以自全。每个人都是大陆的一片,整体的一部分,……任何人的死亡都是我的损失,因为我是人类的一员。因此,不要问丧钟为谁而鸣,它就为你而鸣。
renée 离线
级别: 论坛版主
显示用户信息 
37楼  发表于: 2007-08-09   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
同抱!              
一半是冰水,一半是火柴
wenwendywen 离线
级别: 论坛版主
显示用户信息 
38楼  发表于: 2007-08-09   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
谢谢大家的鼓励和支持!!!!希望对有宝宝的各位有点帮助。 感动中。。。。。 ^_^

其实,我前些时间虽然回家忙,但上班时间也没有闲着,我已经把英文10章65小节全部记录下来了。但是,我写中文特别慢,经常找不到想表达的词句,惭愧呀!!!

为了不耽误大家共同学习,我想,先上英文,我有空还会接着翻译,也欢迎那些有能力好心肠的筒子们帮忙一起翻译,也请鱼儿给热心的筒子们加分鼓励!谢谢!

对了, 这项工作并没有得到原作者的许可和授权,请不要用于任何商业用途。 亚马逊链接http://ht_tp://www.amazon.com/Gettin.../dp/0684021455
感恩,平安,喜乐,惜福。。。
wenwendywen 离线
级别: 论坛版主
显示用户信息 
39楼  发表于: 2007-08-09   
Re:让你的孩子从‘拒绝’到‘合作’Getting your child from 'NO' to 'YES ..
前言简介  Introduction


Empathize. Show your child that you empathize with his concerns. This validates him and tells him that you respect his opinions, which in turn motivates him to cooperate as part of your team. If you repeatedly scold, find fault, complain, blame, label, and guilt-trip your child, he'll tune you out and learn to use these hurtful tactics to other people.


理解:让孩子知道你理解他的处境。这是支持和告诉他你尊重他的想法,这样也会使他转为更合作。如果你总是责备,挑错,埋怨,归咎,那么他将会用这些伤人的招数去对待别人。

Make a deal using Grandma's Rule. Grandma's Rule says, "When you've done what I've asked you to do, then you're free to do what you want to do." This peaceful solution to parent-child conflicts teaches your child the value of meeting his responsibilities before doing what he wants. It gives him practice in delaying gratification and tolerating frustration. It helps him develop the internal motivation to get his work done before enjoying his fun. The ultimate benefit of Grandma's Rule is teaching your child the win-win, team approach to meeting everyone's agenda.

Bribery, on the other hand, tells your child, "if you do what I ask, then I'll give you a special prize." It teaches him to hold out for a tangible payoff before cooperating. Once he learns that his cooperation can be bought and sold on the open market, his motivation remains external and totally dependent on the size of the payoff he can receive.



采用祖母规则-协定法:祖母规则是,'当你做完我要你做的事情后,你就可以去做你自己想做的事情。"这种和平解决父母和孩子冲突的方法教会你的孩子意识到,在做他想要做的事情之前,达到他的责任的重要性。这也是让他练习延迟欲望和容忍不满。帮助他发展在享乐之前把工作完成的内在驱动力。祖母规则的最终目的是教会你的孩子一种完成每个人的计划的双赢的群队方法。



相反,贿赂是告诉你的孩子,"如果你照我要求的去做,我就会给你特别的奖励。" 这是教会他一个实在的奖品支撑他到合作。一旦他意识到他的合作是可以公然买卖,他的驱动力是外在的,而且是完全与他所要得到的奖励大小相关。




Teach by giving choices. When you give your child choices, he practices his decision-making skills. For example, you might say, "You can play nicely with your sister, or you can play by yourself. You choose." This motivates him to play nicely with his sister in order to remain in her company (something he dearly wants to do).

On the other hand, intimidating your child by threatening to punish him when he doesn't listen tells him that he has no choice in the matter. Because he hasn't been given any say in what happens, his anger, resentment, and reluctance to cooperate will increase—the opposite of what you want. Threats lead to fear, and fear motivated your child to escape or rebel rather than cooperate.

Threats also put you in a difficult position. If your child doesn't comply, you're forced to follow through with a punishment that damages your child and your relationship with him; if you don't follow through, your credibility is destroyed. When your child discovers that your threat was empty, he'll no longer believe that you mean what you say. He'll replace his fear of punishment with a fear that nothing is as it seems. It's best to avoid these consequences by avoiding threats



给出选择:但你给你的孩子选择时,也锻炼了他的决策能力。例如,你可以说,"你可以选择好好地和你妹妹玩,也可以自己一个人玩,你自己决定。"这是告诉他如果他想有个伙伴一起玩(有时,他是十分想有伴玩),就要好好地和妹妹玩。

相反,如果你威胁你的孩子,如果他不听你的,就没有除了接受惩罚没有别的选择。因为他对要发生的事情没有被告知别的说法,他的愤怒,不满,不愿合作的想法就会增长,这是你所不希望的。威胁会导致害怕,害怕会让你的孩子逃离,反抗而不是合作。

威胁也让你处于不利的处境。如果你的孩子不服从,你就会被迫做出惩罚,这会伤害孩子,还有你和孩子的关系。如果你不照你所威胁的去做,你的信誉受到破坏。当孩子发现你的威胁是空的时,他就不会相信你所说的。他对惩罚的害怕会转换成对事情不确定的害怕。这个后果最好一定要避免。
感恩,平安,喜乐,惜福。。。
描述
快速回复

验证问题:
3 * 6 = ? 正确答案:18
按"Ctrl+Enter"直接提交