Two bachelors were talking about their respective choice of life partner. One friend said,'It is generally said that people with opposite characteristics make the happiest marriages. What is your opinion ?
The friend replied,'Yes, they are right. That is why I am looking for a girl with a money!'
Handsome and Irresistible
A man and his wife were returning from a party one evening. As the couple was driving home, she asked her husband, "Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?"
Totally flattered, he replied, "No, dear they haven't."
At that point she yelled, "Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?"
Bill Gates in Heaven
Bill Gates died and went to Heaven.
Saint Peter showed him to his house, a small cottage on a tiny plot in the woods. The closets were full of simple but servicable clothing, and the kitchen was stocked with the basic needs. Bill slowly settled into a modest and quiet life in heaven.
One day, Bill was walking in one of Heaven's many fine parks, when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit.
"That is a nice suit, my friend," said Gates. "Where did you get it?"
"Actually," the man replied, "I was given a hundred of these when I got here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill overlooking a beautiful lake. I have a huge five-hundred acre estate, a golf course, tennis courts and three Rolls Royces."
"Were you the Pope, or a doctor who healed the sick?" asked Gates.
"No," said his new friend, "Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic."
Hearing this made Gates so angry that he immediately stalked off to find St. Peter.
Cornering St. Peter, Bill told him about the man he had just met, saying, "How could you give me a paltry new house, while you're showering new cars, a mansion, and fine suits on the Captain of the Titanic? I invented the Windows operating system! Why does he deserve better?"
"Yes, we even use Windows here in heaven," replied Peter, "and the Titanic only crashed once."
The Escape Artist
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo.
After recapturing the kangaroo, the zookeeper put up a ten-foot fence. Again the kangaroo was out the next morning, roaming around the zoo. So the fence was extended to twenty feet. But again the kangaroo was out the next morning.
Frustrated zoo officials built a fence forty feet high.
A camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How much higher do you think they'll go?"
The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet I guess -- unless somebody starts locking the gate!"
